Hey, Dave,
Someone sent me a hilarious pic of your face on Chappell Roan’s body captioned “Dave Chapelle Roan.” It had me laughing hours later every time I thought of it. It gave me a great idea for a comic sketch I want to pitch you, let me know what you think:
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LIVE: Channel 7 Action News
Breaking News: Comedian Dave Chappelle Dead at 51 After Riot at Local Gay Bar
[News Anchor: Pamela Wexler]
“Good evening. We begin tonight with breaking news out of downtown, where comedy legend Dave Chappelle met an untimely and, some say, ironically scripted demise. The 51-year-old comedian, known for his stand-up specials, controversial remarks, and his last good film role in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, was tragically beaten to death at the Pink Pony Club, a well-known LGBT hotspot. Authorities report the riot began after what witnesses describe as “an ill-advised attempt at crowd work.”
[CUT TO: Footage of flashing police lights, an overturned chair, and a single sequin-covered shoe lying in the street]
[Pamela Wexler, Voiceover]
“What was meant to be a night of laughs turned into a scene of chaos, described by one bartender as “a performance that went over worse than ‘Third World Girls Gone Wild’.”
[CUT TO: On-scene reporter, Jim Radford, standing outside the Pink Pony Club]
[Jim Radford]
“Pamela, the scene behind me is one of sheer devastation. Police are still investigating, but what we know so far is that Chappelle was booked by what can only be assumed was mistake, or a booking agent with a dark sense of humor. He took the stage at approximately 10:15 p.m., but by 10:17, sources say the booing had reached levels typically reserved for washed up comedians covering Radiohead. By 10:19, drinks were flying. And by 10:21, well, let’s just say Mr. Chappelle took audience participation in a direction no comedian ever hopes to.
[CUT TO: Eyewitness interview with a man dressed in sequins and a feather boa]
[Eyewitness, identified as “Cha-Cha Deluxe, Local Drag Performer’]
“Oh honey, when he walked in, we KNEW. I turned to my girls and said, “This is about to be some Bruckheimer-level hubris.’ And sure enough, it was giving full ConAir. The gals foldedup Pinball Parker’s landing gear there for sure. Took out his knees, then showed him what ‘punching down’ really means.”
[CUT TO: Security footage showing the moment the riot began, with patrons throwing glow sticks and feather boas at Chappelle]
[Jim Radford, Voiceover]
“Authorities say Chappelle attempted to regain control of the crowd by doubling down on his material, a tactic experts describe as “bold but ultimately, his idea was Half Baked.”
[CUT TO: Interview with a bartender, still holding a cocktail shaker]
[Bartender, identified as “Marco Devine, Mixologist’]
“He coulda read the room, man. Like, the second he started, I was like, “Oh no, baby, what is you doing?’ But did he stop? No. Instead, he tried to tell a joke about pronouns. Now he’s got no nouns left at all, know what I’m saying? Now they all gotta say ‘he *was* Rick James,’ right, bitches?”
[CUT TO: Jim Radford standing near a police officer, who appears to be stifling laughter]
[Jim Radford]
“Police have not yet confirmed if charges will be filed, but sources indicate that when officers arrived, they were met with a crowd chanting “Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions!’ Meanwhile, city officials are already considering renaming the street outside the Pink Pony in honor of the night’s events, with options including “Chappelle’s Last Stand’ and “Problematic Comedian Memorial Way.”
[CUT TO: Pamela Wexler back in the studio]
[Pamela Wexler]
“Truly a tragic end to a storied career. And coming up next, can your cat secretly file taxes? Our investigative team uncovers the shocking truth. Stay with us.”
[FADE TO COMMERCIAL]
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What do think? Probably not SNL level, but maybe it could fly if you workshop it some.
What? No, of course I don’t want to see you dead, that’s a terrible thing to say. It’s just a joke, right? Nobody’s gonna take it seriously and attack you or anything, don’t be silly. Damn, folks these days are too thin skinned…
~ R.L. Lawrence